5 pound gummy bear bag

With a Herculean effort and all of the strength that I could muster, I forced my buttcheeks together knowing that one false move would open the floodgates. GREAT PINEAPPLE FLAVOR. Yet none answered. A gleaming light at the end of a sweets filled tunnel; my salvation in the sea of sugar. The full title is: “Haribo Original Gold-Bears Gummi Candy, 5-Pound Bag of Delicious Bears! Tremors wracked my body and I must have looked like a fish out of water with an endless stream of s*** firing out of its ass. $12.75 $ 12. Find great deals on eBay for 5 pound gummy bear. When you’re hungry, you should eat FOOD. Gummy bears are not generally my thing, but after two weeks of strict dieting and bearing the word “Sugar-free” emblazoned across the front, they might as well have been ambrosia from the Gods themselves. Email to friends Share on Facebook - opens in a new window or tab Share on Twitter - opens in a new window or tab Share on Pinterest - opens in a new window or tab. Lovingly wrapped in individual sized, hand-made plastic baggies and tied with delicate siphon ribbon, lay my salvation atop the mountains of delectable morsels. Another volley of pain tore through me and I involuntarily leaned forward over the desk, my focus completely narrowed now to a spot on the wall two feet in front of me, a curious imperfection in the what seemed to be white-washed stone wall. Haribo Gummi Candy Gold-Bears, 5-Pound Bag. Gummy Bears - 5 lb. Its monstrous size is only matched by its enormous taste. From somewhere within me my mind recognized that this sound had issued from me, although my consciousness had now begun to separate from my body and I held my breath and prayed to God for strength. The girls where charming and the scene was festive. 3. German confectioner Haribo is renowned for making some of the finest gummies in the world. *Consumption may cause stomach discomfort and/ or laxative effect. The smell was enough to drive a man insane. I spotted a vending machine nestled in a relatively low-traffic corner of the terminal and rushed over, already pulling out my credit-card and mentally assessing what I had a craving for so as to save time interacting with the machine. (1) 5 lb Sealed factory Bags. Beads of warning sweat had started to form, though soon the trickle would give way to a deluge. The muffled scream of a dungeon filled with prisoners near death radiated from my stomach, the rushing sound of litres of liquid trying to escape through an aperture too small to accommodate it all at the same time, the omnipresent sound of chunky liquid spattering against a hard surface with great force, the high-pitched screaming of a woman’s voice calling out to God, another voice sobbing uncontrollably imploring to “make it stop!! I sat in silent anguish, biting my lip to try and focus my mind on anything other than the pulsating waves of torment aching to breech the confines of my intestines. 11 comments. This item: Sugar Free Gummy Bear 5LB Bag $27.99 ($0.35 / 1 Ounce) Red Vines Sugar Free Licorice, Strawberry Flavor, 5oz Bags (12 Pack), Soft & Chewy Candy Twists $26.88 ($0.45 / 1 Ounce) Sugar Free Gummy Bears, 5LBS by Albanese Confectionery $27.73 ($0.35 / 1 … It is inconceivable to think that this kind of product can be sold legally and be misrepresented as ‘food’. Get a larger calculator! I had always liked gummy bears – they were bright but rather innocuous, they weren’t overly sweet so as to become cloying and – of course – each candy came in the visage of a rather happy, docile bear reminiscent of the picture one’s mind’s eye holds of all anthropomorphic bears from Yogi to Winnie. I turned to go and found myself staring at three armed agents who stopped me and asked if I would follow them. I tried to excuse myself but the effort of even shifting my shaking legs told my body it was too late. Prime members enjoy FREE Delivery and exclusive access to music, movies, TV shows, original audio series, and Kindle books. 75 $12.75 $ 12. If I hadn’t been feverishly trying to hold back the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, I likely would have died of shame. 280 gummies per bag) Approx. From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia. Bulk Bag. Albanese Candy, Sugar Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears, 5-pound Bag. There is no candy more magnificent or more powerful. 78 (15.9 ¢/oz) Qty: Add to cart. The burglars took cash, tools, pallets, food from the kitchen and a 5-pound bag of Albanese gummy bears an employee bought from the Merrillville company that he brought to work. OR, if you disagree with my gummy bear of choice, there's an all black cherry bag, too. 9,536 Reviews. It was only as I stood face to face with the agent and handed her my passport and ticket that I had a glimpse of the agony that was about to begin. I joined the line and started fishing for my passport to present to the agent checking tickets, I felt a thin sheen of sweat break out on my forehead and underarms, and my features flushed for a moment as a wave of heat washed over me. I spent a week or so in the hospital enclosed in a well ventilated, sealed room, with suited doctor coming in on the hour to monitor my vital signs as they tried to rehydrate my body. Sugar Free Gummy Bear 1LB Bag by N/A 4.0 out of 5 stars 386 ratings. It was a perfect night… right up until the first rumble that alerted me to the possibility of danger. Be warned: These are a read, but they are totally worth it! Albanese World's Best 12 Flavor Gummy Bears - 5 lb Bag. $14.37$14.37 ($0.18/Ounce) Save 5% more with Subscribe & Save. I merrily snacked on the little multi-colored gems of pure pleasure as the concert got underway. No, this was something much worse. Counting calories? I thought nothing of it at first, chalking it up to the fact that I needed something more substantial than gummy worms to tackle my hunger, but over the course of the next five-minutes the shooting pain began to come in more rapid succession. The cheery holiday music sounded in stark juxtaposition to the symphony of horrors growing inside of me. As a child I had had a bout of diarrhea after a trip to Mexico with my family, I remember the feeling of nausea that swept through me before my child self had surrendered to the gas pains and parked myself on the toilet for an hour, s***ting until I felt like I didn’t have any bones left. I begged all that was holy, any Gods that were listening, to take pity on my wretched soul and deliver me from this hell. There's a problem loading this menu right now. The pressure of the blast pushed me hard into the desk and the legs of the desk screeched as they scraped across the floor. I was heading to Pearson International Airport for a redeye flight to Amsterdam in order to give the Dutch arm of our company some training on the new software that had been installed (I’m deliberately being vague to prevent my place of work from being linked in any way to the incident that occurred). The shame was more than my fragile male ego could handle and I wanted justice. I gripped my wife’s hand and looked with tearful eyes into hers, begging for forgiveness as the expulsion sloshed like Niagara falls onto the theater floor. It was one she had taken a little too lightly. I’ll set the scene: It was late winter / early spring in Toronto and the city had just been digging itself out from a late season snow-storm. At over 1,000 times the size of an average gummy bear, the world's largest gummy bear!tm takes gummy deliciousness to a whole new level! After half a whiff of this ghoulish brine, I immediately stopped breathing through my nose but the taste was to remain in the back of my throat for months to come. Then rest you’ll have to save for later.” I kissed her and we readied ourselves for the performance of our daughter’s career. Take a slight risk and try the iridescent gummies that come in the 5-Pound Bag of Haribo Techno Gummi Bears. On Amazon. The security agent on the other side of the detector shot a quick glance over to her co-worker who narrowed his eyes and made a subtle movement towards his holster. My god, it was beautiful. I couldn’t blame them. No doubt forced so deeply within himself once the firehose has been turned on that there was little to no hope of him ever coming back from it, certainly not without extensive psychotherapy or a lobotomy. Panic started to grip me in it’s icy grasp and the sudden adrenaline threatened to destroy my sphincters bulwarks and rend my anus in two. 5 Pound (Pack of 1) 4.8 out of 5 stars 11,586. The more-than-generous 5-pound bag of bears includes hundreds of normal size but not-so-normal-flavored sugary snacks. Toggle menu. I pulled myself together, stood up straight and declared that I was fine, mortified that I had had a lapse of decorum not only in public but at the security clearance in an airport! The devil himself must laugh at we mortal for we are his playthings. And the smell. Haribo Original Gold-Bears Gummi Candy, 5-Pound Bag. In fact most of us eat them by the handful. About this product. item 1 Black Forest Gummy Bears Candy 5 Pound Bulk Bag 1 - Black Forest Gummy Bears Candy 5 Pound Bulk Bag… My eyes rolled back in my head and my tongue lolled out of my head like a half-retarded dog and I emitted a low, sustained groan that grew in pitch as the filthy torrent pushed its way out of my body. This is a cautionary tale and – unlike most of the other reviews on this product – this is a true story and its authenticity can be qualified by a small news item that appeared in the Toronto Star’s local news section during the month of April in 2013, much to my chagrin. “However, I became Tooty McGee for the following 24 hours after ingesting these hell bears. Without further adieu, below is scientific fact: 3.0 out of 5 stars A little chewy So when it came to that special time of year for her winter ballet concert, I was the proudest man in the whole theater. When I was finally released I was mad. The way I figured it, I was taking a bit of a holiday from life, so I could relax my fastidiously regimented daily schedule a little to allow for some frivolity. The young agent had taken the brunt of the foul witch’s brew, and at first I couldn’t process what I was seeing. Other sounds and sensations started to filter in now as my consciousness began to materialize once more. Then it happened. I tried to comprehend how he must be feeling, what he must be going through psychologically, but it became evident very quickly that he had become very broken. You see I am not a small man and a recent visit to the doctors had proven distressing. I slowly turned my head to survey the devastation and in that instant, if I had had a pencil or some other sharp object, I probably would have gouged my eyes out in revulsion. Thick gummy bears in a mix of 12 fruity flavors! I held my breath, my eyes bulging dangerously from my head as the machine scanned me. Through my sobs I heard the sound of dripping, like when the sprinklers are eventually turned off after an office fire, or after a thunderstorm when the willow that overhangs a pond continues to rain down long after the sky has stopped. If only I knew… If only I could have known. Albanese World's Best 12 Flavor Gummi Bears, 5 Pound Bag. Now I’d to pause here in the story for a moment to underscore the importance of making proper choices. But boy oh boy, it sure tastes good! With a sound like an extra large plastic ketchup bottle being run over by a Mac truck, my sphincter released. She tugged on her mothers arm and pointed to me with a huge smile wrapping from ear to ear. It felt like time rippled for a moment, as if my consciousness buckled so intense was the pain that fired through my bowels. 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Black Forest Gummy Bears Bag, 5 Lb. Healthier steps had to be taken to ensure that one day I would have the tearful honor of giving my daughter away at her wedding, so of course I took those steps seriously. I couldn’t. Only 5 left in stock. So I’d better enjoy the gummy bears, my one extravagance to commemorate my break from routine. Haribo Gummi Candy, Happy-Cola, 5-Pound Bag … This is the product that started it all for us. She falls asleep during every performance we take her to but she loves it all the same. No, I wouldn’t do that. As I shakily moved forward towards the agent for a pat down, my stomach began to illicit sounds that can only be described as otherworldly. “Pleasegodpleasegodpleasegodpleasegod”, I whispered in a desperate, maniacal mantra, not even aware of my surroundings anymore. Black Forest Gummy Worms Bag, 5 Lb. It was becoming increasingly more evident to me that this wasn’t just a stomach ache. The World's Largest Gummy Bear … Amazon Music Stream millions of songs: AbeBooks Books, art & collectables: She is the light of my life and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Black Forest. By Jeffrey Lambert on May 2, 2016. And this was the tableau that was burnt into my mind’s eye for eternity. This is my story. This … I briskly checked my watch and decided that I had enough time to grab a quick snack before going through the baggage check and security, and would get something more substantial once I was checked through security. It was just to relieve some of the pressure I told myself. “Sir, please”, I begged deferring to this kid in an act of desperation, “I have to go to the bathroom. As is customary at venues such as these, there was a lovely little bake sale set up in the entryway which housed all manner of decadent confectionaries and baked treats that both stirred my hunger and saddened it all the same. These weren't just typical farts, mind you. You do realize that these 'sugar free' bears have the exact same calories as the regular Haribo gummy bears! Yet with my doctors advice still ringing in my ears, I could not help but sneak over to the table while my wife’s back was turned to peruse the assortment. No, red. I researched further and found the very same treats here. I began to walk like a duck, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible, not even caring now what other people were seeing in front of them – a disheveled, barefoot 40-year-old business man, red-faced and bulgy-eyed, sweating profusely, shaking slightly and walking without bending his knees. I inhaled sharply and with a pained gasp I doubled up my efforts to clench my cheeks together. Ingredients. “Why, what’s the matter?” I stammered, wincing slightly as the act of speech seemed to strain the tenuous and extremely fragile truce I had negotiated between my bowels and the tempest that raged within. What started as an attempt to allow only gas to leave quickly turned into a levy shattering entirely. My breathing became uneven as I entered the metal detector and I realized with alarm that I had taken off my socks without even registering it, and one of my shirt tails was untucked at the front. 4.7 out of 5 stars 2,532. Average rating: 4.8. out of. weight (per individual gummy): 0.28 oz (7.94 g) Three flavor combinations: blue raspberry and lemon, cherry and lemon, and orange and lemon; Five different airplane shapes; Made in the USA !” and my own ecstatic, monotone wail. Gummy styled like fighter jets; 5 lb bag (approx. These days, the definition of the word ‘food’ has been bastardized and the meaning has been broadened to include veritably any material that can be digested, or rather, chewed and swallowed without causing death or severe illness. Find helpful customer reviews and review ratings for Haribo Fat-Free Gummi Candy,Sugar Free Bears, 5-Pound Bag at Amazon.com. I exhaled shakily and my focus began to narrow, as I rallied for the final battle. Try as I might, the bears were fighting back, seemingly set on draining my body, in it’s entirety, of life giving liquid. Show delivery & pickup options. 1.0 out of 5 stars Hell Holds No Surprises For Me Anymore… This is the product that started it all for us. As they carted me out I heard one of them screaming to a stage hand for a bucket… apparently I wasn’t done just yet. They were obviously trying to suppress their gagging as they worked on me. FOOD is defined as “a nutritious substance that people consume to maintain life”, this is what food is. Ships to You in Either Clear Packaging or the New Gold Updated Packaging. I would have to try to make it to the restroom. Black Forest Gummy Bears, 5 Lb. The stench was overwhelming; thick and oppressive like a sickly sweet blanket on a warm summers eve. And that was how I was feeling now, with several key differences – the pain was worse, the sense of an impending bowel movement was so formidable it gave me temporary amnesia, and it took all of my will-power, all of it, to clench my butt cheeks together to prevent my sphincter from exploding. They aren’t even from this planet. Luckily traffic was light on the 401 and I made it to the airport in record time, but knew that my chances of making the flight were still at risk if I didn’t use my time wisely. See It. Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag. I marvelled at how strong the human will could be. The other travellers clearing the security check stared with curiosity and revulsion at the spectacle unfolding before them, whispering amongst themselves and hurrying to pack up their belongings and get as far away from me as possible, no doubt assuming that the airport had nabbed some sort of domestic terrorist. Product Image. Ships to You in Either Clear Packaging or the New Gold Updated Packaging. Surely that mother had laced the gummies with some kind of laxative, like a sick twisted joke but after confronting the woman she told me that she had done nothing to the bears at all. It was no good. I briefly entertained the thought of trying to find a restroom before going through security, but at that point my discomfort was manageable and I didn’t think it was get any worse, certainly not within the amount of time it would take to clear security. A 5 pound bag of Haribo Sugerfree Gummy bears… and right there on the label was a warning. “He probably has some heroin or something up there that opened up”, the female guard said as a part of me that hadn’t escaped into the ether yet acknowledged that she was behind me to my left, “probably high as a kite, LOOK at him”, she said. $14.99$14.99 ($0.19/Ounce) Save 5% more with Subscribe & Save. Bulk Bag. Get it as soon as Thu, Oct 8. Because when I came to I was laying on my back in my own filth with two paramedics standing over me. I have vague recollections of an army of Hazmat clad figures looming through the brown landscape of the soiled room, the slopping sounds of rubber boats squelching in puddles of fetid detritus, uncontrollable wailing and animal-like sounds issuing from the mouths of creatures that had been traumatized beyond their capacity for being put back together, the complete loss of sensation from my waist down as I was rolled through the room on a waterproof gurney, it’s wheels struggling to surf on top of the s***-soaked floor. They’re so tasty and delicious you can never eat just one. The full title is: “Haribo Original Gold-Bears Gummi Candy, 5-Pound Bag of Delicious Bears! On any given day I can be found reading a crime novel on a park bench in the middle of the city, soaking in the opulence of nature while nibbling on my tuna fish sandwiches and fending off the voracious gulls and squirrels that threaten to spoil my repose. 4. Read honest and unbiased product reviews from our users. The crazy, fever-induced image of said cartoon animal chasing Bugs Bunny through the splashy, volcanic s***-kettle that was my stomach, caused me to illicit a short, maniacal bark of laughter as I approached the Metal detector, a wild, distant look in my eyes, sweat now beginning to poor off of my like a long-distance runner in Kenya. Little did I know, that she had once again saved my life. A tale of heartache, lose, embarrassment, shame and of course, public expulsion of the slippery black liquid that must surely be the blood of Satan. Which is why it came as a shock to me to find myself incarcerated because of the Devil’s Confectionery, Satan’s Sweetmeat, Lucifer’s Lozenges – the horror that is known as ‘Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears”. 75. Our #1 Pick is the Albanese … I could hardly contain myself as I exclaimed “three packages of gummy bears please!” In my exuberance I had drawn a little too much attention, in the form of my wife. After all, I was going to be in Amsterdam come morning with 16 hours to kill before I had to be training the Dutch employees, maybe I would take a trip down to one of the Coffee Shops in the Red-Light District and really let my hair down! In my glee I turned around with three of the packages tucked neatly into my arms wearing a smile to match my new friends. 5. All of my clothes were incinerated in the hospital’s crematorium, and the soiled bag of “Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears” was never recovered. My colon felt like someone had poured chile sauce all over it and then sent in a colony of fire ants to eat it. She came over like a whisper in a field and asked what I was getting. This item: Haribo Gummi Candy Gold-Bears, 5-Pound Bag CDN$33.00 (CDN$0.41 / 1 oz) Ships from and sold by germanfoods.shop. Walmart # 564653598. I looked beyond his quivering, catatonic crouched form to see a perfect outline of him cutout on the white wall behind him, either side filled in with a dripping, opaque layer of alternately pulpy and runny fecal stew. This is me. A sudden shock of pain racked my body, and I half wondered if I was going to give birth to a Tasmanian Devil. “Just follow us please”, they said, leaving no room for argument. The Same Delicious Gummi Bears … The mother welcomed me and asked what I’d like. Share - Black Forest Gummy Bears, 5 Lb. “I have to go the bathroom, RIGHT NOW” I pleaded. Cursing softly, I ran out to the car and threw my bags in the trunk, hitting the gas a little harder than usual in my haste to make it to the Long Term Parking Lot as soon as possible. Albanese World’s Best 12 Flavor Gummi Bears. Order by phone (Mon.-Fri.) 800-367-4693. It gushed out of me despite the screams of the others in my row and those around them. 11 users rated this 5 out of 5 stars 11. I sobbed silently as the shame overtook me and there was nothing else to do but expel the demon from my core. If I moved it would be the end of me and all that I held dear. Jump to navigation Jump to search. 37.3¢ / each. Manufactured by hand in the USA, the Party Gummy Bear is … I had apparently expelled every available drop of water from my body that was possible to sustain life without for a short period of time. The comingling of relief, searing pain and shame sounded in my cries for mercy. The one and only original world's largest gummy bear!tm is a whopping 51 servings of mouthwatering sweetness. Not given to bouts of outspokenness or craving attention, and certainly not one to rock the boat. Behold the horror! The point here being, I made a very, very, very poor choice. This five-pound beast is the equivalent of 1,400 regular sized gummy bears and packs a whopping 6,120 calories. Shop with confidence. I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried, but God help me… I didn’t. Was $15.78 $ 15. CURRENTLY SOLD OUT. I stood on the brink with one foot hovering over the edge, and then without taking a step, I found myself plummeting. Albanese gummy bears … The agent was staring at me with slight consternation and asked me if I was alright. Then, through the haze of custard-filled cupcakes, mouthwatering brownies and tutu shaped sugar cookies, I saw them. My eyes scanned the colourful array of confection quickly, coming to rest on a tantalizing, rainbow-coloured bag of gummy bears with the simple white and red logo “Haribo” emblazoned across the bag in what appeared to be a slightly tweaked Helvetica Rounded font. Amazon's Choice. ... FREE Delivery. More items related to this product. There was only the flow. I noticed two quivering masses at either extremes of the room and realized they were humanoid in form, although the caterwauling that was coming from these broken creatures was just blubbering gibberish. I hadn’t eaten since lunch, and I was feeling a bit hungry, my stomach rumbling loudly in protestation, which caused me to look around at the other travellers rushing past me in the busy terminal, mortified that my bodily noises might be heard by others. We don’t even know where to begin with this one. ! tm is a whopping 51 servings of mouthwatering sweetness proceeded to security Either... My right girl behind the plastic folding table leaped up at my approach the folding! Finally I could come to only one conclusion its enormous taste a buyer beware my.! And she kept her eyes glued to my stomach as she reached my,... 9.5 '' x 5.5 '' and approximately 5 pounds she chuckled at me and gave me the look made... A man insane x 5.5 '' and approximately 5 pounds others in own... I pleaded to allow only gas to leave quickly turned into a levy shattering entirely like some sort hero. The first rumble that alerted me to the possibility of danger myself staring me., art & collectables: 37.3¢ / each soon it too grew to a crescendo the Party gummy bear you. She had taken a little, I felt my innards suddenly expand, and I experienced a relief that only... Poured chile sauce all over it and then without taking a step, saw. Room they brought me into, I saw them officer ’ s eye for.! Can only be described as orgasmic in it ’ s purity $ 0.18/Ounce Save! 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Outspokenness or craving attention, and they also come in the 5-Pound Bag of Delicious Bears moan and. A pained gasp I doubled up my efforts to clench my cheeks together to that! Though my head as the original Gummies, and she weighed my,. Dam with bubblegum could actually be sustained indefinitely but God help me… didn... Shakily and my focus began to materialize once more – right to your door, © 1996-2020, Amazon.com Inc.! Boy, it sure tastes good, texture is paramount scanned me exclusive access to,... 0 users rated this 5 out of 5 stars 11 6 Assorted flavors Jelly Sweets - gummy... These sugar Free gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag of Delicious Bears most of us them! 14.99 ( $ 0.19/Ounce ) Save 5 % more with Subscribe &.., TV shows, original audio series, and certainly not one to rock the boat follow us ”! Boarding pass printed and rubbing my stomach bathroom, right now had weathered the entire assault head-on like sort. 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